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[翻译大赛NO.3]THE HUT IN THE FOREST /  森林里的小木屋

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楼主:叮咚叮咚 2010-10-11

THE HUT IN THE FOREST
森林里的小木屋

[11] OUTSIDE in the forest there was deep snow. The white snow had crusted the branches of the pine trees, and piled itself up them till they bent under its weight. Now and then a snow-laden branch would bend too far, and huge lumps of snow fell crashing to the ground under the trees. Then the branch would swing up, and the snow covered it again with a cold white burden. Sitting in the hut you could hear the crashing again and again out in the forest, as the tired branches flung down their loads of snow. Yes, and now and then there was the howling of wolves far away.
屋外森林里覆盖着厚厚的雪。白雪裹在松树的枝条上,一点一点堆积起来,压得它们弯下腰去。有时候,被雪压着的枝条弯曲得太厉害了,大堆的雪就滑落下来,轰隆一声砸到树下的地面上。枝条弹回去摇摆几下,冰冷洁白的雪花继续飘落,再一次把它压住。坐在小木屋里,你会听到森林里不停地传来轰隆声,那正是疲倦的枝条把积雪甩到地上的声音。嗯,远处还常常传来狼的嗥叫声。

[12] Little Maroosia heard them, and thought of them out there in the dark as they galloped over the snow. She sat closer to Vanya, her brother, and they were both as near as they could get to the door of the stove, where they could see the red fire burning busily, keeping the whole hut warm. The stove filled a quarter of the hut, but that was because it was a bed as well. There were blankets on it, and in those blankets Vanya and Maroosia rolled up and went to sleep at night, as warm as little baking cakes.
小木屋里,小姑娘玛露西亚听着狼嗥,想着它们在黑夜里奔跑过雪地,不禁向哥哥万尼亚坐近了些。他俩都尽量往火炉口靠近。红色的火焰在炉子里熊熊燃烧,整个小木屋都暖融融的。火炉很大,把小屋一小半的地方都占满了,因为它还是一张床,上面铺着毯子。晚上睡觉时,万尼亚和玛露西亚就用这些毯子裹住身子,温暖得好像烘着的小蛋糕。

The hut was made of pine logs cut from the forest. You could see the marks of the axe. Old Peter was the grandfather of Maroosia and Vanya. He lived alone with them in the hut in the forest, because their father and mother were both dead. Maroosia and Vanya could hardly remember them, and they were very happy with old Peter, who was very kind to them and did all he could to keep them warm and well fed. He let them help him in everything, even in stuffing the windows with moss to keep the cold out when winter began. The moss kept the light out too, but that did not matter. It would be all the jollier in the spring when the sun came pouring in.
小屋是用森林里砍来的松木建成的,看得见斧头砍过的痕迹。老彼得是玛露西亚和万尼亚的爷爷。他们的爸爸妈妈都去世了,就爷爷一个人带着他俩生活在森林中的这幢小木屋里。爷爷对他们很好,尽心照顾,不让他们饿着、冻着,兄妹俩因此过得很开心,几乎不会想起爸爸妈妈。爷爷什么事都让他们帮忙,包括在冬天来临时用苔藓堵住窗口,不让冷空气进来。苔藓把光线也挡住了,不过没有关系,等春天来了,拿开苔藓,阳光尽情地洒进小木屋,那更叫人快活啦!

Besides old Peter and Maroosia and Vanya there were Vladimir and Bayan. Vladimir was a cat, [13] a big black cat, as stately as an emperor, and just now he was lying in Vanya's arms fast asleep. Bayan was a dog, a tall gray wolf-dog. He could jump over the table with a single bound. When he was in the hut he usually lay underneath the table, because that was the only place where he could lie without being in the way. And, of course at meal times he was in the way even there. Just now he was out with old Peter.
除了老彼得、玛露西亚和万尼亚,屋里还住着弗拉迪米尔和巴延。弗拉迪米尔是只大黑猫,庄重威严,像个皇帝。现在,他就躺在万尼亚的怀里呼呼大睡。巴延是条灰色的狼狗,很高大,一蹦就能跳过桌子。平时在家,他都躺在桌子底下,因为除了那里,他躺哪儿都会挡着路,当然,吃饭的时候,就是躲桌子底下也碍事了。现在,他跟老彼得在外面打猎。

"I wonder what story it will be to-night?" said Maroosia.
“不知道今晚会听什么故事呢?”玛露西亚说。

"So do I," said Vanya. "I wish they'd be quick and come back."
“我也不知道,”万尼亚说,“希望他们快点回来。”

Vladimir stirred suddenly in Vanya's lap, and a minute later they heard the scrunch of boots in the snow, and the stamping of old Peter's feet trying to get the snow off his boots. Then the door opened, and Bayan pushed his way in and shook himself, and licked Maroosia and Vanya and startled Vladimir, and lay down under the table and came out again, because he was so pleased to be home. And old Peter came in after him, with his gun on his back and a hare in his hand. He shook himself just like Bayan, and the snow flew off like spray. He hung up his gun, flung the hare into a corner of the hut, and laughed.
睡在万尼亚膝盖上的弗拉迪米尔突然起来了。不一会儿,他们听见靴子踩着雪地的卡嚓声,还有老彼得跺脚的声音—他想把雪从靴子上抖下来。门开了,巴延挤进来,抖了抖身子,舔舔玛露西亚和万尼亚,还吓了弗拉迪米尔一跳。他躺到桌子底下,又兴冲冲地爬出来,因为回到家太高兴了。老彼得跟着进屋,背上背着枪,手里拿着一只野兔。他像巴延一样抖了抖身子,雪花像喷雾一样飞散开来。他挂好枪,把野兔扔到一个角落里,咧嘴笑了。

"You are snug in here, little pigeons," he said.
“你们好温暖好舒服啊,小鸽子们。”他说。

[14] Vanya and Maroosia had jumped up to welcome him, and when he opened his big sheepskin coat, they tumbled into it together and clung to his belt. Then he closed the big woolly coat over the top of them and they squealed; and he opened it a little way and looked down at them over his beard, and then closed it again for a moment before letting them out. He did this every night, and Bayan always barked when they were shut up inside.
万尼亚和玛露西亚早就跳起来迎接他了。他刚打开他那宽大的羊皮大衣,他俩就一齐扑了进去,紧紧抓住他的皮带。这件大衣毛茸茸的,很大,一合上,就把两个孩子连脑袋一起裹了进去。他俩在里面兴奋地尖叫起来。他把大衣打开一条缝,低下头,目光越过胡须,慈爱地看着他们。然后,他再次裹住他们拥抱了一阵,才放他们出来。每天晚上,他都这样爱抚孩子们,巴延看到他们被裹在里边,也激动得汪汪大叫。

Then old Peter took his big coat off and lifted down the samovar from the shelf. The samovar is like a big tea-urn, with a red-hot fire in the middle of it keeping the water boiling. It hums like a bee on the tea-table, and the steam rises in a little jet from a tiny hole in the top. The boiling water comes out of a tap at the bottom. Old Peter threw in the lighted stick s and charcoal, and made a draught to draw the heat, and then set the samovar on the table with the little fire crackling in its inside. Then he cut some big lumps of black bread. Then he took a great saucepan full of soup, that was simmering on the stove, and emptied it into a big wooden bowl. Then he went to the wall where, on three nails, hung three wooden spoons, deep like ladles. There were one big spoon, for old Peter; and [15] two little spoons, one for Vanya and one for Maroosia.
老彼得脱下大衣,从架子上拿起茶炊。茶炊是俄国人用的大茶壶,看起来跟我们用的一样,不同的是,壶中间还竖了个圆筒,圆筒里燃着红红的火,好让周围的水一直沸腾着。放在茶几上,它会像蜜蜂一样嗡嗡作响,蒸汽从顶上的一个小孔钻出来往上升,热水可以从下边的一个水龙头放出来。老彼得扔了些燃着的枝条和木炭进去,扇了几下风引火,然后把茶炊放在茶几上,让那团小小的火苗在里面劈啪作响。随后,他切了几大块黑面包,从火炉上端起炖着的平底锅,把满满一锅汤倒进一只很大的木头碗里。他走到墙边,墙上钉着三个钉子,上面挂了三个跟汤勺一样深的木头勺子,大的那个是老彼得的,两个小的是万尼亚和玛露西亚的。

And all the time that old Peter was getting supper ready he was answering questions and making jokes—old ones, of course, that he made every day—about how plump the children were, and how fat was better to eat than butter, and what the Man in the Moon said when he fell out, and what the wolf said who caught his own tail and ate himself up before he found out his mistake.
老彼得一边准备晚餐,一边回答两个孩子的问题,还说着笑话。当然那都是他每天说的老笑话,比如:孩子们好胖啊;肥肉比黄油好吃多啦;月亮里的人掉出来时说了什么啦;还有一头愚蠢的狼,抓住自己的尾巴啃啊啃,最后才发现,原来它把自己吃光了-- 嗯,它又说了些什么呢?

And Vanya and Maroosia danced about the hut and chuckled.
万尼亚和玛露西亚咯咯笑着,在小屋里蹦来跳去。

Then they had supper, all three dipping their wooden spoons in the big bowl together, and eating a tremendous lot of black bread. And, of course, there were scraps for Vladimir and a bone for Bayan.
他们开始吃晚饭。三个人一起用木勺从大木碗里舀汤喝,大口大口地啃着黑面包。当然,弗拉迪米尔也有碎面包吃,巴延还有根骨头啃。

After that they had tea with sugar but no milk, because they were Russians and liked it that way.
吃完饭,他们喝加了糖的茶,不加牛奶,因为他们是俄国人,喜欢这样喝。

Then came the stories. Old Peter made another glass of tea for himself, not for the children. His throat was old, he said, and took a lot of keeping wet; and they were young, and would not sleep if they drank tea too near bedtime. Then he threw a log of wood into the stove. Then he lit a short little pipe, full [16] of very strong tobacco, called Mahorka, which has a smell like hot tin. And he puffed, and the smoke got in his eyes, and he wiped them with the back of his big hand.
该讲故事了。老彼得给自己又倒了一杯茶,但不再给孩子们喝了,他说他的老嗓子需要多喝茶才不会干,但是孩子们还小,临睡前喝了茶会睡不着的。他往火炉里扔了块木头,点起一根短烟管,里面装满了味道很浓的烟叶,这种烟名叫玛呵尔加,闻起来就像烧红的锡。他抽了一口烟,从嘴里喷出来,烟雾弥漫进了他的双眼,他用手背擦了擦眼睛。

All the time he was doing this Vanya and Maroosia were snuggling together close by the stove, thinking what story they would ask for, and listening to the crashing of the snow as it fell from the trees outside. Now that old Peter was at home, the noise made them feel comfortable and warm. Before, perhaps, it made them feel a little frightened.
这时,万尼亚和玛露西亚靠近火炉,舒适地依偎在一起,一边想着该让爷爷讲个什么故事,一边听着外面的雪从树上掉下来的轰隆声。爷爷不在家的时候,他们听着这个声音可能还有点害怕,但是现在,既然老彼得已经回来了,他们觉得这个声音也很舒服和温暖了。

"Well, little pigeons, little hawks, little bear cubs, what is it to be?" said old Peter. “
“好了,小鸽子们,小鹰鹰们,小熊熊们,想听什么故事呀?”老彼得问。

"We don't know," said Maroosia. “
“不知道呢。”玛露西亚说。

"Long hair, short sense, little she-pigeon," said old Peter. "All this time and not thought of a story? Would you like the tale of the little Snow Girl who was not loved so much as a hen?"
“头发长,见识短,你这小雌鸽,”老彼得说,“这么久了,还没想好要听什么呀?想不想听那个还不如母鸡受宠爱的小雪姑娘的故事呢?”

"Not to-night, grandfather," said Vanya.
“今晚不听这个,爷爷,”万尼亚说。

"We'd like that tale when the snow melts," said Maroosia. “  
“我们想听雪融化的故事,”玛露西亚说。  

"To-night we'd like a story we've never heard before," said Vanya.
“今晚我们要听一个从没听过的故事,”万尼亚说。

"Well, well," said old Peter, combing his great gray beard with his fingers, and looking out at [17] them with twinkling eyes from under his big bushy eyebrows. "Have I ever told you the story of 'The Silver Saucer and the Transparent Apple'?"
“好的,好的,”老彼得说着,用手指梳着自己灰色的大胡子,两只眼睛在浓密粗大的眉毛下面闪闪发光,看着他们。“我有没有讲过‘银碟子和透明的苹果’的故事?”

"No, no, never," cried Vanya and Maroosia at once.
“没有没有,从来没讲过!”万尼亚和玛露西亚立刻叫道 。

Old Peter took a last pull at his pipe, and Vanya and Maroosia wriggled with excitement. Then he drank a sip of tea. Then he began.
老彼得拿起烟管抽了最后一口,万尼亚和玛露西亚激动地扭着身子。他喝了一小口茶,故事开始了。

#2 琪琪爸爸 2010-10-11

好美的文字。

#3 来来来 2010-10-11

"然后开始讲故事了"---这段可以再适当润色一下,总是“然后”,“但”什么的,读起来干瘪瘪的

#4 叮咚叮咚 2010-10-11

“该讲故事了。”嘿嘿

#5 囡囡妈 2010-10-11

先说个整体意见吧,,这个俄国民间故事的英文,文字是多么温馨美好啊,读起来就好像能看到祖孙三人在一间冬雪间的小木屋里的场景。叮咚叮咚,你读英文的时候,是不是也有这个感觉呢?那就努力把这个感觉翻出来吧!我觉得你的文字间,还需要一些润色,让故事更娓娓道来。。特别是祖父刚回到家和孩子玩的那段,那种温馨快乐,文字里要有,才美啊!

具体有些地方,翻译有误。请查:

——沸水从底下的一个塞子流出来(水怎么从塞子里流出来?)

——不喝牛奶(喝茶,不加牛奶)

——他往炉子里扔了很多木头(看错原文)

——他吸了一口(吸的话,烟怎么会熏到眼睛呢?)

——Would you like the tale of the little Snow Girl who was not loved so much as a hen?"
就是她变成母鸡后不受欢迎的那个?
(这是一个非常严重的错误。。老爷爷讲的雪姑娘的故事,是有据可查的,翻译的时候,如果不明白,一定要去查证,不可臆断。。雪姑娘并没有变成母鸡!。。那到底是怎么回事呢?希望你自己去查证一下,就知道啦,,顺便还可以再看一篇有趣的童话故事呢。)

多啰嗦一句哈,千万不要介意我们这样“找刺”的行为哈,翻译是件值得认真的事。想象坐在你对面读故事的人是一个个可爱的孩子吧。。

呵呵,顺便再说一句,想象到了你读者群,那就在可能的情况下,注意语言的运用。。比如samovar这个词,翻成“茶饮”,我个人觉得是不合适的,如果是我,可能会用俄国大茶壶之类的说法,如果感觉需要,可能还会加个译注。。。留心看一下英文,作者是用了The samovar is like a big tea-urn, with a red-hot fire in the middle of it keeping the water boiling. 这句话来让英语国家的孩子搞明白这是个什么东西的。。恩,所以,翻译的时候,要先自己也搞明白,然后再努力让读者明白。

恩,都是个人意见哈,你参考。。大家多交流。:)

#6 小乖乖 2010-10-14

厉害啊,要综合起来看,自己过关后才能给孩子读!

#7 叮咚叮咚 2010-10-16

囡囡妈的整体意见,说到我心坎里了。总觉得自己词穷,不管怎么翻都缺了点什么,说不出来,但是绝对感觉到了。改了一遍,不知道好点没。

第一遍翻得太急躁,错误多多,有些是暂且放过,有些是粗心了。改过后,有几点还请看看可行不:

1. Samovar,我还是想翻成茶炊,个人觉得孩子多认识一个特别的词没什么坏处;后面的解释尽量比上次清楚些,加上“茶炊是俄国人用的大茶壶”一句,再描述,不知道可以不?

2. The boiling water comes out of a tap at the bottom. 对于tap是不是水龙头,开始感觉很疑惑,觉得古老的故事里不可能有。四处查了,发现俄罗斯茶炊最早出现在18世纪,而水龙头最早在16世纪就有了,所以用水龙头控制茶炊的水流应该是自然的,但是,但是,也还有可能是个活塞之类的东西堵在那里,查遍对茶炊的描写,只有说到从底下接水的,有机会的话,要再问问俄国来的人。

3. 雪姑娘的故事,原来就是这个系列里面的。我只看了第一篇就动手了,后面没看,真的一片茫然。当时急着先放上来,就乱写了。。。 表情占位:s:138表情占位:s:138表情占位:s:138 果然是个精彩的故事,而且发人深省,个人觉得大人更可以看看。

先这样了,谢谢囡囡妈,非常感谢。如果有时间继续翻,一定做得更认真些。

#8 慕子翔 2010-10-17

翻译很好呀,很亲切的感觉~~

#9 正在看牡丹 2010-10-18

"It would be all the jollier in the spring when the sun came pouring in. "这一句是个比较级,原文意思是尽管冬天屋里被苔藓遮住了阳光,但这样更能显出春天的木屋尽情沐浴在阳光中的美好,觉得应该再修改一下,把这层意思表现出来
“现在,他跟老彼得在外面打猎。”这里觉得有个转折的意思,前面说大狗在哪儿都挡着道,“但”现在在外面打猎,所以不碍事了。不然骤然加上这一句感觉有些突兀。
俄国大茶壶我直接查了一下google image,发现那个龙头其实是在侧面靠下的位置,并不是在底部
"关于那头抓住自己的尾巴、把自己吃掉以后才发现错误的狼,它又说了什么。”这一段四个“关于”我并不是很喜欢,觉得很僵硬,这个笑话更是有点不知所云。“关于那头蠢狼的临终遗言,他抓住自己的尾巴,把自己啃了个精光才发现闹了个怎样的错误”?还是很怪……各位同学一起来想想怎么翻这句话吧

#10 绿豆芽 2010-10-19

狗挡路的那段,前面是叙述平时的一般情况,后面是讲述当前的情景,不觉得有转折的意思呀。

"关于那头抓住自己的尾巴、把自己吃掉以后才发现错误的狼,它又说了什么。”
还好呀,我的小女儿能听懂,能自然地明白这个“错误”就是狼误把自己吃掉的错误。“关于”是太书面化了,不过换个表达还真不容易,只会更拗口,你的也是,哈哈

#11 叮咚叮咚 2010-10-19

"It would be all the jollier in the spring when the sun came pouring in. "这一句是比较级,先前注意到了,考虑简单一点的表达,已改。

“现在,他跟老彼得在外面打猎。”
跟绿豆芽想法一样,我用了“现在”这个词,引出当前的情况,自己感觉并不突兀,不知大家怎么看。

“俄国大茶壶我直接查了一下google image,发现那个龙头其实是在侧面靠下的位置,并不是在底部 “
侧面是肯定的,但还是在底部,不然会有好多水流不出来。我说底下,也没说是底面中心,原文也是简单干脆的“at the bottom”。。。呵呵,狡辩了,还是改成“下边”好了。
上几张形态各异的samovar图片:
图片占位:http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qsjlYtt8u4E/SUBXRmpdprI/AAAAAAAADSk/t5R4xpIeLKQ/s400/samovar.jpg
图片占位:http://www.apartycenter.com/images/cupcake_tray/Stainless_samovar.jpg
图片占位:http://www.calacademy.org/exhibits/science_under_sail/images/samovar.jpg
图片占位:http://www.civilization.ca/cmc/exhibitions/tresors/immigration/elem/img/im0284b.jpg
(连上外网再搜索,资料丰富多了,看来翻墙是必需的 )

#12 叮咚叮咚 2010-10-19

引用:
引用第8楼正在看牡丹于2010-10-18 14:17发表的  :

"关于那头抓住自己的尾巴、把自己吃掉以后才发现错误的狼,它又说了什么。”这一段四个“关于”我并不是很喜欢,觉得很僵硬,这个笑话更是有点不知所云。“关于那头蠢狼的临终遗言,他抓住自己的尾巴,把自己啃了个精光才发现闹了个怎样的错误”?还是很怪……各位同学一起来想想怎么翻这句话吧

这段全部改过了。没采纳”临终遗言”一说。即使这些话是蠢狼最终对自己所犯错误的评价,或者表达一下懊悔之情,也不是“临终”,因为都吃光了,已经“终”啦表情占位:s:135
吃光自己这样的事情都能发生,死翘翘了还能说话也不奇怪啦。不过到底死前还是死后说的,我们没听到完整故事,无从判断,还是按照原文直译成说话,不发挥了。

谢谢看牡丹 ^_^

#13 阿五 2010-10-25

已经翻译得蛮好的了,受益匪浅,谢谢!

#14 绿豆芽 2010-11-12

放错地了,闪先

#15 书虫点爸 2010-12-31

the Transparent Apple应该是“成熟的苹果”,所以故事的名字叫做“银盘子与熟苹果”不是更好?

#16 叮咚叮咚 2011-01-01

这不是简单的苹果,而是可以长久保存的有魔法的宝物,故事里,女孩的爸爸走遍市场,好不容易才从一位巫婆那里买到。女孩把它放在银碟子旋转,速度快了就成了一道漩涡样的雾光,然后她可以看到想看的任何景象。另外,也没线索表明它是水晶或玻璃或者别的什么透明物质做成的,所以按愿意翻成“透明的苹果”。

故事后面,两位姐姐为了占有女孩的宝物,对她下了毒手。最后女孩在神力、一位小牧童和沙皇的相助下起死回生。是个美丽又哀伤的故事。本来想翻的,就是不喜欢那些赞美沙皇的语句,还特别同情那位眼睁睁看着心爱的女孩被沙皇娶走的牧童。